be careful what you ask for ...
Tom Cruise asked Scientology for a wife
and they found Katie Holmes for him.
It seems so easy, right? The Hollywood movie star needed a wife, so they found him one. It was all good in L. Ron Hubbard's hood. I guess.
So I figured that if I asked the Church of Scientology folks for a wife, they would have to give me one just like they gave one to Tom. A little Katie Holmes of my own. Sounded pretty good so I asked the leaders of the Church of Scientology to, "Please find me a wife too."
And they were all like, "Yeah, yeah, no problem." They made me sign a waiver, agreeing not to sue them if they found me a wife. But I waited and waited and nothing happened.
Finally, I got tired of waiting, so I asked them, "Are you looking for a wife for me?"
The Scientology folks ringed their hands, telling me that they were working on it. Plans were in progress. Soon, they said, soon.
"I'm a lonely man and I need a companion." I told them. "She doesn't have to be a movie star. She doesn't even have to be pretty. Just find me a wife."
The Scientology folks crossed their arms and got that concerned look on their faces. They looked at me and told me that they were "still working on it" and that they could "work on it more" and "provide special instructions" if I were to fork over a couple grand.
I wrote the check and I waited. But more time passed. I started to think that the Catholics or even the Lutherans could have found me a wife in half the time. The Mormons could have found me two wives in this amount of time.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," I told them. "Just get me a wife just like you did for Brother Tom."
Finally, after several months the main Scientology dude walked up to me and told me it was all ready. He gave me an address and told me that I would meet my life-mate at this address. I went there. It was a dog park. I sat on a bench and shook my head. Maybe this organized religion stuff was not to be trusted. Maybe the Scientologists were a scam just like the Catholics and Protestants.
But after a while a happy little dog walked up to me with a note in his mouth. I took the note. He sat at my feet and wagged his tail.
Tom Cruise asked Scientology for a wife
and they found Katie Holmes for him.
 |
| L. Ron Hubbard 1950 |
So I figured that if I asked the Church of Scientology folks for a wife, they would have to give me one just like they gave one to Tom. A little Katie Holmes of my own. Sounded pretty good so I asked the leaders of the Church of Scientology to, "Please find me a wife too."
And they were all like, "Yeah, yeah, no problem." They made me sign a waiver, agreeing not to sue them if they found me a wife. But I waited and waited and nothing happened.
Finally, I got tired of waiting, so I asked them, "Are you looking for a wife for me?"
The Scientology folks ringed their hands, telling me that they were working on it. Plans were in progress. Soon, they said, soon.
"I'm a lonely man and I need a companion." I told them. "She doesn't have to be a movie star. She doesn't even have to be pretty. Just find me a wife."
The Scientology folks crossed their arms and got that concerned look on their faces. They looked at me and told me that they were "still working on it" and that they could "work on it more" and "provide special instructions" if I were to fork over a couple grand.
I wrote the check and I waited. But more time passed. I started to think that the Catholics or even the Lutherans could have found me a wife in half the time. The Mormons could have found me two wives in this amount of time.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," I told them. "Just get me a wife just like you did for Brother Tom."
Finally, after several months the main Scientology dude walked up to me and told me it was all ready. He gave me an address and told me that I would meet my life-mate at this address. I went there. It was a dog park. I sat on a bench and shook my head. Maybe this organized religion stuff was not to be trusted. Maybe the Scientologists were a scam just like the Catholics and Protestants.
But after a while a happy little dog walked up to me with a note in his mouth. I took the note. He sat at my feet and wagged his tail.
The note said: "I am not a wife, but I am better. I will always love you and I will never leave you. I will be happy when you get home from work. I will be happy doing whatever you want to do. You will be the center of my universe for the entirety of my life. I don't care how much money you make and I don't care if we live in a nice home or have nice things. I will never be jealous or argue. Feed me and I will always love you."
I smiled. I hugged the dog. I took him home with me. We've been happy ever after.
Tom, however, is divorced. A large chunk of his movie star money (the part that has not already been given to the Church of Scientology) has been given to Katie Holmes. Tom has to make an appointment to see his daughter, Suri. He may have money and power and the Church of Scientology scrambling to keep him happy. But is it working?
The next time Tom Cruise asks for a wife, I would suggest that the intuitive master beings of Scientology in California consider talking Tom into getting a dog. It's a safer bet and likely to last longer than an arranged marriage.
But no more children. Puppies yes, children no.
Jimmyjumpnjive 2012
This blog, the photos contained herein and all words, captions or descriptions, is a blatant attempt at humor. Concepts such as truth or reality are not allowed to conflict with punchlines. Please accept that this is a humor blog created with the intent of entertaining people. If you find what I said offensive today, you might agree wholeheartedly with me tomorrow.
Jimmyjumpnjive is devoted to peace, love and puppies. An old furry, an ent, an aged hippy freak with nothing but a song of love in his heart.
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Play and have fun. Party with friends.
A SUPER COOL VIDEO
Musical Chairs for Dogs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIDXLJLvZcY
Animal rescue and fosters rule my world. Make the world a better place bit by bit, act by act, word by word, deed by deed.
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Jimmyjumpnjive is devoted to peace, love and puppies. An old furry, an ent, an aged hippy freak with nothing but a song of love in his heart.
Jimmyjumpnjive on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/user/Jimmyjumpnjive
Play and have fun. Party with friends.
A SUPER COOL VIDEO
Musical Chairs for Dogs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIDXLJLvZcY
Animal rescue and fosters rule my world. Make the world a better place bit by bit, act by act, word by word, deed by deed.
LIKE ME ON Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jimmyjumpnjive/157294277673510
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